This is that time of the year when we talk about what we’d like to change about ourselves. We want to be better versions of ourselves, we want to be more than we are now. We want to be braver, sexier, cooler, smarter, everything more.
When I think about stepping into 2020, I am a bit anxious. I think to myself, “Will I be able to handle the new year the way I did this year?” What if something new happens and I’ll be too tired to face it head on?
Personally, I’ve been through a lot this year. Health issues within my family, starting a new job and graduate school, therapy, new friendships, heartbreak, etc. Part of me is sad that I had to endure so much but the other part of me is very proud with how I handled everything. The version of me from five years ago would have probably been so overwhelmed with these changes that she would have sat down and cried her eyes out. Don’t be fooled, I definitely shed tears this year but it was all necessary. Crying as healing as laughter and joy.
I have learned this year that I struggle to trust myself. Despite all that I have been through, there’s still is fear in me that I’ll keep messing up. That I’ll never learn and suffer the same consequences until I can no longer hold myself up. I underestimate my intellectual and emotional capacity. Out of all of the intentions I have set for myself in 2020, this one is the way that stands out to me.
“I can handle this. I am going to be okay.”
My big intention for 2020
Starting anew is scary. We don’t know what’s on the horizon once the ball drops at midnight and Auld Lang Syne begins to play. We are unsure of who will continue to support us in the new year and who will fall away. We are anxious about what new obstacles will fall into our path as we pursue our education, careers, or relationships. We’re walking into darkness and the only thing we can do is trust that we ourselves are well-equipped to handle the bumps that line the dark tunnel. We’ll use our hands to feel, we’ll use our ears to hear, we’ll use our noses to smell, and we’ll use our hearts to figure out what is real.
Trust yourselves, my friends. You have all the tools in your pocket to keep going. I hope you walk into 2020 with enthusiasm and with the eyes of your child-like self. Be curious, stay hopeful, and allow yourself to grieve. I believe in you, believe in you too.
Afro & Appetite 